First Communion

This is First Communion Weekend. What I remember of mine is the preparation: a lot of memorization of prayers for a second grader, getting fitted for my first suit (yes, it was navy blue, with a white tie.) getting a prayer book and rosary. Being short and first in line, I had to remember my place at the communion rail. I don’t recall the “Jesus experience”, but I do recall some of the girls talking quietly to “Jesus enthroned in my heart” as they walked back to the pew.
To be honest, I don’t remember much of the “Jesus experience” connected with communion at all. I think that’s why I quit receiving sometime in early high school. I didn’t know what I believed about the host, had big doubts about my faith (reading Bertrand Russell in your freshman year will do that!) and felt it would be dishonest and hypocritical to continue to take communion if I wasn’t sure about these things. And even though I sometimes felt closer to the faith, and sometimes farther away, I stayed away from the eucharist until just a few years ago.
I was in the hospital following heart bypass surgery (readers of “ERATO’S HIDEAWAY" blog know some of the gory details,) discovering how beautiful life could be with a “Morphine Drip”, when a Eucharistic Minister paid me a visit, asking me if I wanted to receive communion that morning. Maybe it was an epiphany or maybe it was the drugs or just a case of the “whatever’s”, but I said yes. It was very much like an old friend coming to visit (better---I couldn’t remember most friends that came to the hospital!)--- nothing miraculous, just comforting.
I continue to receive communion often. I’m not sure about the host---and this skeptic probably never will be--- but if anyone’s giving out spiritual nourishment, I’ll try to remember my place in line.(Remind me to tell you sometime why I think the Pope or Cardinals or Bishops or other tiny-minded ministers who would deny the bread of life to someone for their political beliefs or any other reason, are despicable bastards of biblical proportions. Now, where'd I put my blood pressure pills?)
My communion class had their group picture taken at school the following Monday. I’m not in the picture. I came down with the mumps Sunday morning. They ask me why I’m skeptical …