Music was the only proof he needed for the existence of God" (Kurt Vonnegut)

I have been anxious and depressed this last couple years, and in the midst of these feelings I have been searching my feelings above God. (I always believe in the "big ideas."
One of my great connundrums is not God's existence, but the quality of that existence. I want to believe in the persona of God, whether that means "He" or "She" or whatever. It's easier to address God as Father or Mother, rather than it.(Although if frogs or armadillos want to see God as their kind, so be it.) The love of God is around us everywhere, not faraway out there, but like silence in music. It's there even if we're tempted to say it's nothing.I believe it's called grace. It's amazing.