The Immense Minutiae of It All!!

Last night, in between meetings, I found myself alone in the large, dimly-lit church. This would be a good opportunity to continue fingering the rosary beads and thinking on passages from the bible.

As I was saying the familiar prayers, I thought of myself all alone in this big church, in this big world, in this huge universe, and thinking how inconsequential this little man and his prayers must be. How big infinity! How miniscule all its parts!! How easily I will be lost and forgotten! A tiny bug on the cosmic windshield! Anxiety shivered through me.


Then I thought of all the human beings ---- to say nothing of other living creatures---- the billions of people that surround me and make up this world. How crowded the world is! I thought of all the souls of those in the past that might make up some other world I hadn’t seen, hovering around this church. I avoid crowded places: bars, theaters, elevators, etc. and here I was imagining all humanity, of all ages ! All alone in this church I felt claustrophobic!

I have felt true aloneness (or as close as I want to come) once in my life. Three years ago, after heart bypass surgery, I was under sedation, while also weaning my body off other drugs. (In short, I was “out there.”) During this period, I had the same dream or hallucination several times. It was very real and inescapable. I found myself sitting alone in a dark, damp room or cellar. The sound of dripping water was everywhere. Once in awhile someone would walk by, but would pay no attention to me.Though I don't remember chains, I could not get up and leave. I was completely alone,and I had the feeling it was forever. Feeling totally lost and abandoned, I began to cry and cry and cry.

It seems those are the two ways I am confronted by the world: I feel all alone and left behind, or I feel stampeded, pushed around, and swept away by the enormity of the “cosmic crowd.”

My challenge is to concentrate on what is individual in me, and what connects me to other creatures, as well as creation as a huge entity. It has something to do with all of us being sharers; we are all givers and takers, in our individual relationships, and in the huge picture of which we are a part. And then there is “God” in all things and "God" beyond all things.

Just thinking…


This is a tiny house on Iceland.

You find Iceland!!

The Milky Way:Our sun is that dot down towards the bottom center of the page.

Heavens! Our galaxy, The Milky Way, is a very tiny section of the constellation Virgo, highlighted roughly in the center of the picture.